Healing Your Past: Breaking The Emotional Pain Patterns

heal emotional pain

No matter how committed to healing you are, your relationship patterns always measure how much you have healed.

Considering every childhood fear developed in relationships, with parents, siblings, and ex-lovers, the true measure of healing is seen in your relationship patterns.

If you desire to measure your healing, I’ve listed signs of healed and unhealed relationship trauma here:

1. Signs You’ve Healed Relationship Trauma

• You’re not afraid to lose your partner.
• You take responsibility for your own emotions.
• You don’t idealize your partner and put him or her on a pedestal.
• You give yourself the love, peace and happiness you desire.
• You aren’t taking responsibility for your partner’s unhealed pain. You encourage him or her to heal oneself.
• You don’t use arguing to face conflict. You open your heart to learn from conflict.
• Sex isn’t an escape to avoid lack of emotional connection, but something that happens after an emotional connection is established.
• You don’t use relationships for security. You use relationships for growth, learning, and healing.

2. Signs You Have Not Healed Relationship Trauma

• You need your partner.
• You push your own emotions onto your partner.
• You idealize your partner. You put him or her on a pedestal.
• You depend on your partner to feel loved, peace and happy.
• You believe it’s your job to help your partner through the pain.
• You use arguing to solve problems.
• Sex is used to escape a lack of emotional connection. Sex keeps you coming back.
• You use the relationship to escape feeling insecure, unsafe and alone.

If you can sit with your pain, listen to your pain and respect your pain — in time you will move through your pain.

Loving Yourself Is The Greatest Revolution


It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.
― Eartha Kitt

If you keep avoiding self love, the Universe will keep sending you people who also avoid loving you, hoping you get a f*cking clue.

Our external world (the people around us and the situations we live in) will always be a mirror to our internal world, what is going on inside.
What does that even mean?
If we love ourselves, we will not be able to tolerate living in circumstances which don’t support that belief.

And the opposite is true.
If we don’t believe we are lovable and worthy, we will choose people and situations which support that.
That’s why the people we choose are such an invitation to our growth and what we need to focus on.

This is also why poisonous relationships can’t exist in our lives if we don’t believe on some level we deserve them.
They mirror what we believe about ourselves.

Loving yourself is the greatest revolution.

Relationships: LIFE According to Carl and Ellie

Up Relationships

LIFE is all about Relationships

I spent almost 20 years in the movie industry, I have watched a lot of movies.  I am a big guy but I admit, I am rather tender hearted. My kids know firsthand that I rarely made it through a Disney movie without tearing up. I used to be able to conceal it pretty good by strategically placing my children on my left and when it happened, note the word when, I would just turn my head to the right until I could collect myself. It wasn’t long before they figured me out and insisted on stationing themselves on either side. Yes, going forward I was forever busted.

The Relationships Masters: Carl and Ellie’s Lessons on LIFE

Up is the story of a lonely, curmudgeonly widower, Carl Fredricksen, who decides to escape the world’s chaos by tying thousands of helium balloons to his home and floating away to paradise—all alone. But shortly into his trip, Carl learns he’s not alone.. a stowaway, a young boy named Russell, has unwittingly come along for the adventure. And along the way, both Carl and Russell learn some poignant lessons about LIFE ..

And about the importance of Relationships.

One of the most important things we can do is to connect with other people.. and it’s easy to lose track of that. And that’s the essential message of the film, that Carl thinks he missed the real adventure in life by not going to these exotic places and seeing these fantastic sights. But in the end he learns that he had the best adventure of all..

The adventure of the relationship that he had with his wife.

I expected to cry, but I never expected to be reduced to tears in the first 10 minutes of the movie.  And now you know.

LIFE is relationships.. The rest is just details.